There are points in time when you are forced to take a deep hard look at yourself. The last month has been that time to me. Granted I haven’t been through anything really bad. It’s not like I’ve lost my home, or been ran over by a parked milk float but it doesn’t have to be for you to realise when you have to take action, and a number of events have made me realise it was time.
Do you ever dream about things, really want things to happen, but when you sit down and really think about it, you realise that you’ve just been cruising, that you really wanted things that meant so much to you, but on the other hand you weren’t taking the other parts of your life seriously, to let your dreams materialize. The term “going with the flow” is something that I’ve used myself very often, and up until recently I thought that it was a good thing, but I now realise that I need to grab things by the scruff of their neck. Things aren’t going to kick into gear themselves, I need to make them happen.
The first obvious one for me, is my physical appearance, of which I have a very low opinion of. I know I need to get myself a bit more trim and it’s something I will be able to fully achieve when I go on regular walks once I’m fully healed from the operation. It’s true that looks aren’t everything, but it’s also true that sometimes when you make a slight change, you feel better within yourself, you feel more confident, you feel that you can take on the world with just a box of vinyl’s and a cricket bat.
To coincide with the above, I even want to slightly adjust my hobbies. I’ve mentioned it before, but I no longer want to be in my room either playing video games or watching dvd’s. I want to get on my feet and I want to walk. Where I used to spot a path I didn’t recognise, I now want to turn and walk down it just to see where it goes. When I have time off work I want to pick a train station at random (finances permitting), and explore that town. To record my visits and my day via photographs. Over the past year I’ve been made to see just how photographs can capture a moment, a view, a memory and I intend to do that for myself. Again this won’t start until I’m fully fit, but I no longer wish to play video games 24/7 (don’t get me wrong I still want to play them, just not how I used to).
I mentioned finances just, and that brings me to my job. I’m the first to admit that I haven’t really gave it my all for a little bit now. Partly because of what I’ve been carrying but also because I’ve been cruising along. Granted it’s not the most demanding job the world, or is it? I’ve come to think that it could be if I put my mind to it. It’s about time I put my head down and focused on the job at hand, and when I go back that’s exactly what I plan on doing. There’s a time for Twitter, for my personal life, and while I’m at work, that isn’t it.
Finally which is also vastly important, and one I’m working on right now, is some mental traits. I’m trying to not be so negative about things, to see things in a more positive light. For example, over the last week, the UK has been bathed in some stunning sunshine. In the past I would’ve gone “oh my god, it’s too hot, roll on the winter”, but this time, I’m embracing it. It’s amazing how you can lift yourself up when you look at things more positively. The other one is that I need to stop worrying about every little thing. It’s possible to care without always worrying. Those two things are probably my biggest demons, and if I must say myself, I’m on the way to thrashing them.
I’d love to write and blog some more, but while I’m trying to figure myself out a bit, I don’t actually know what I should be commentating on, so until then, I’ll probably just ramble.
I apologize if this post bored anyone, it was a bit of a ramble, a bit of a mess. I never thought the last month would go how it has gone, but while it still plays in my mind, it’s made me realise that I need to get moving. As a dear friend of mine said “you can’t make other people happy unless you can make yourself happy” and I would like to add to that. “You can’t help others, you can’t sort others out, if you aren’t prepared to help yourself or sort yourself out”
Thanks for reading this ramble. I will leave you with this one photo I took on Monday which I fell in love with. It’s nothing special, but I really like it.